Wanda “Mother-Fuckin’ Nobody Asked For A GenderSwapped Deadpool” Wilson
An Overthinking, Over Zealous Fangirl – as Lady Deadpool
Blake “Ryan Reynolds’ Hot Wife” Lively – as Lady Deadpool’s Faceclaim
You – as The Reader of this Profile
- Who Am I...
Deadpool. LADY CAPTAIN Deadpool. Or just Lady Deadpool
- Romantic Interests
- Relationship Status
Currently dating a sexy ghoul with a sexy voice.
- My Story Is...
Wanda Wilson was a Canadian-American born to a somewhat dysfunctional couple that tried their best to give her a good life, but because dad liked to drink away his pain and mom liked to go out all night and party, she spent a lot of formative childhood years alone with very little love and human contact.
This is why she has empathy problems, in case you were wondering.
Once she grew up, she moved to America, took advantage of her dual citizenship, and joined up with the U.S. Army Special Forces. She was a deadly bitch, one that knew how to beat down, stab, shoot, and just be an all-around human weapon thanks to all those episodes of Power Rangers, high school track, softball, girl’s basketball, and all that jazz making her crazy competitive, violent, and athletic.
Unfortunately, she was still a soft, weak woman who had strong maternal instincts that even her twisted ass couldn’t shake. She was given orders to root out and find a sniper that had been picking off members of her squad while deployed overseas on a special op, but she froze when she discovered it was a child soldier. Instead of killing him, she tried to hide him, but ended up with a knife in her back and several superior officers dead. She was court martialed, dishonorably discharged, and shipped back home.
Naturally, she took this hard and started on a road to a total mental breakdown. She drank, she fought, she did drugs, she took money from strangers to beat up more strangers after those strangers didn’t pay the other stranger money that was owed… Her reputation for violence got her selected to be part of a top-secret CIA death squad, causing her to be hired out by her own country for small-time gigs that sent her all over the world.
And then she graduated to full-on mercenary, selling herself to the highest bidder as an armed guard, an assassin… Sometimes a few dinner dates, but nothing sexual. For an extensive amount of time, she lived in Japan, infiltrating an illegal women’s fighting ring, gaining new skills along the way.
And then came The One. The One was a man that made Wanda’s head spin. She was head over heels in love with The One, and The One would’ve drank her dirty bath water. They were gonna settle down together with all the money Wanda made, let The One go off to work and bring home all the money they would need to pay taxes like decent people, and live happy forever after.
And then it turned out Wanda had cancer. Breast cancer, ovarian cancer, stomach cancer, bone cancer, brain cancer… Body cancer, really. There was probably cancer in her soul the whole time and it just spread. The One was determined to fight, but Wanda, being a piece of shit, ran away and was determined to drink herself to death instead.
And THEN… the assholes came. Department K.
They were a shady gubmint group that was dedicated to creating weapons out of human weapons. Better than Special Forces, better than Marines, better than child soldiers, better than nukes, better than ninjas… They were in the business of making Power Rangers. Evil Power Rangers.
They approached Wanda at her lowest point, convinced her that she would either get better or her body would at least be donated to science. With literally nothing left to lose, she agreed.
And then the fucks proceeded to torture her, experiment on her, and more.
It worked, though; Wanda became immortal. Any injury at all, she would recover, given enough time. However, she was considered a failure due to her mental state; severe depression, body dysmorphic disorder, sociopathic tendencies… If it had just been the latter, they would’ve taken her, but there were too many bugs in the nest; she had to burn.
Problem was… she was literally unkillable. They chopped her into bits, threw the bits in the blender, flushed the slush down the drain, and then the drains got clogged up when she pulled herself together and got stuck. They burned her and dumped the ashes, and then had to have this whole dramatic chase scene where she had to be recaptured and disposed of some other way. They were contemplating blasting her off in a rocket into space and then having her either freeze in vacuum harmlessly or see if reentry into Earth’s atmosphere was good enough.
They didn’t get a chance. Wanda broke out. Details don’t matter.
Now? She’s just been… kicking ass wherever she goes. And doing a shitload of drugs. And eating a lot. And obsessing over her appearance. Lots of pity sex, too. Not just for other people, but for her, too. Luckily, the stuff she went through didn’t leave her, like, horribly scarred… It’s just all in her head when she hallucinates being some scarred, almost zombified freak whenever she looks in the mirror.
Wanda is a high-functioning sociopath with a lot of other weird mental shit going on in her head. She doesn’t talk about her problems in a serious manner. Ever. Rather than talk about them, she tries to distract herself with chaos. She’ll pick on people, beat them up… She’ll do drugs, people, and dangerous things no sane person that wants to live would ever think about.
Or she’ll joke about them. Laugh at her own pain, rather than let anyone know that it actually hurts worse than she makes it seem.
She lives like a woman with a death wish, and she does. She wishes she could die so she could escape from this hellish life that broke her and never even bothered to ask for her number or say “Sorry” after fucking her over.
That ain’t happening soon, though.
When it comes to people, Wanda can either have the tendency to want to impress everyone by being funny, cute, or kickass. If they don’t like her, but don’t try to hurt her, she has a tendency to be shy or discouraged. If they like her, she tends to cling to them, on account of not having many friends. If they dislike her and try to hurt her… She usually kills them. People that don’t die when she kills them end up being hated.
- My Appearance
Age – 28
Gender – Female. Duh.
Species – Enhanced Human Mutate
Height – 6′ 0″
Weight – 159 lbs.
Measurements – 36-26-36
Wanda is a tall, slender creature of almost pure muscle and strength, in excellent physical condition. In fact, she almost doesn’t have enough visible muscle to justify her brute strength, but at least she isn’t grossly deformed in a freaky female body-builder kinda way – she’s very proportional. With long blonde hair, bright blue eyes, a nice pair of tits, a fit booty-butt, and all the trimmings, she’s very purdy. Ignore the manic look in her eye, though. Just ignore it. IGNORE IT.
Powers & Abilities:
Regenerative Healing Factor: Cut off one head, another just grows back.
Enhanced Speed, Strength, Stamina, Agility, Reflexes, Durability: Faster than Usain Bolt, and strong enough to lift a small car.
Master Assassin & Martial Artist: She beats shit up good in lots of ways.
Telepathic Resistance: Most psychics find Wanda’s head a tough nut to crack.
“Medium Awareness”: Wanda thinks she’s a fan-made version of an alternate reality version of some dumb, overrated comic book character. She doesn’t like to talk about this.
Weakness & Flaws:
Pain: Shit still hurts.
Mentally Ill: Sociopath, body dysmorphic disorder, mild schizophrenia, emotionally unstable, deathly afraid of cows, and even more afraid of being totally and utterly alone for the rest of her life.
Actual Inventory: Guns, guns, more guns, even more guns, so many guns, too many guns, too many guns can make a stew, katanas, more katanas, she really likes the katana, the katana is her favorite sword, and assorted other items of an intensely deadly nature.
- My Secrets Are...
I’mma nut. But that’s not a secret.
- I Believe...
That cows are evil, foul creatures. Also, I'm a piece of shit that is never worthy of anything good in my life.