Back Issue - Angry Birds

Due to technical difficulties since our issue, and having to shell out money for bail... we bring you this late back-ordered issue of your gossip column. Shut up and read it, quit your complaining... AT LEAST WE GOT IT TO YOU EVENTUALLY! Damn consumers, always griping...

Anyway...

Our worst fears have came true! Angry Birds has hit Hellifyno! Sacrifice your eggs! First we have Oprah, who apparently turned into a huge ass bird right after the viscious murder of Nina Noir, which was reported to our field agents! She ripped her skin shit up like a fat man rips through a bag of doritos with the extra rolls on his fingers doing a happy tremble jig...but thank Freya's tits this new Oprah bird had some fancy-doo new power that could revive our favorite french poodle! But will we ever see Oprah again?

THEN we have Rae, who's being used as an angry bird bomb to knock down those evil little egg stealing pigs (otherwise known as vampires)! Will the T-bird survive!? Of course she will...don't be stupid. But rumor has it a war between the vampires and the werewolves has led to a general scramble for warriors on either side. Do the werewolves want to kill YOU after they decide vampires aren't too much of a threat? Are YOU an abomination to their entire species?

What about the pigs... uh... leeches, I mean vampires? Not only is Elexin starting his own little boyband- uh, I mean clan, and abandoning his Ventrue ways, but he's getting ANTON to back him up with false claims! Warning people about these so-called wolf threats that so far haven't amounted to anything. Are they spreading a wave of filthy gossip just to get people on their side? Or is it all a truth? Has your trust in the "self-proclaimed" protectors of Hellifyno been a lie all these years? After all, what's trickier than a wolf in sheep's clothing...?

And whatever happened to the silvery girl that enlightened us all with her incredible sympathy? For quite a long time now she has been missing. No one knows how, where, or even with whom she suddenly POOFED from the face of Hellifyno.

You don't know who we are talking about? Well it is rather simple, just imagine a queen bitch and you'll have your answer. Flip the pages in your dictionary and Carol's beautiful grumpy face will pop up.

Now that you're informed, lets go back to our many doubts and questions about this particular issue. Why is Rae not weeping over the unexplicable loss of her probable lesbian lover that she's been keeping secret from the eyes of Aiden? Why is that we have heard nothing from her lips? Not even a slim little doubt concerning the sudden vanishing silver beauty? Perhaps the answers are beating behind the corner, or perhaps our firechicken already knows what lays beyond...

The last thing we have heard by mugging one of the silver skinned bitch's dead birds is something about the possible concoction of new races. That might be one of the reasons why we have lost Carol from our radar... And of course the other might be the need to flee from the place where she got her cold little heart cracking and crumbling for Rae's unrequited love...

Stay tuned for more fascinating tidbits about the missing corner of this little love triangle!