Gossip Column

There have been rumors being tossed around that Daniel and Mara have been gettin' busy lately. Danny-boy's new unofficial girlfriend, Sid, seems pretty upset. Or maybe shes a lesbian and wants the sexy former vampire woman to herself. Is she getting closer to Daniel just to have a go at Mara-Para?

But getting real how is it that these two astonishing women feel so much passion about Danny boy having a gogo with both of them. Two timing much? Huh? Are the ladies growing horns? That can't look good with their stylish haircuts. Maybe they should sue their headdresser or solve the issue like in old Solomon times and split the "Oh so sexy" business man in half.

But the gossip *HEAR* here is, what's behind this sudden reconciliation between our top 10 couple from ole' days. As we all know Mara tends to have always a darker reason behind each of her actions, is she seeking to squirt *winkwink* something out of Danny? revenge perhaps? some kind of manipulative trickstery for a profitable outcome? She does have that new business... Disaster Fix... Maybe in her cute little way of swaying hips she is striving to get that round ass of hers parked on the throne again, Whatch out for your crown Danny boy! cause it looks like is about to be *blown* (round of applauses)

On the other hand. What would be Daniel's reason to accept this irresistable vampy chick back? Could it be that he has a heart beneath that scornful hatred he displays? or is he as well scheming something and keeping the grit under the rag?.

I personally believe Danny boy is using all of the women he sees sexually... Gangsters don't just change over night... Slippery snake that boy is. Bet he's planning on killing someone out of his harem of women. Or planning to cut off their toes and pickle them! Whatever it is that insane people with power problems and the ability to turn into monsters with teeth bigger than their face do.

My creative juice glands are running a little dry lately. Maybe you want to take over? Huh? Staring at me...judging me....go ahead. Pick up that pen. Write something that ALL of Hellifyno will want to read while on the crapper. Something that makes them laugh. Did you know that you use the same muscles to laugh as you do to take a nice steamy shit with? Yup. Someone on the toilet just took an easier dump because I made em laugh. SUCK IT!

In other news. The evil-doer GusBus is hooking up with lots of our lady friends who frequent the tavern. I kid you not. Mara-Fara. Cameo the Tree-o. Barbie-I mean Jayden. Who do you think is next? I think hes also been able to squeeze his little winky into the tight pants of Daloki. What a skank! Mr Froggy will keep us updated.

Non-the-less the Birdie chirps also speak about some kind of disfunctional issue between GusGus legs, might he be trying to compensate for the lack of something? Did his testicles shrink? Why after having so many touch and goes and run arounds can't he create an heir? Maybe his swimmers are suffering from stress and none of them can get through the lap or is it only that the bat is not such a good battering rapist after all.

Did you hear about that vampire assassin attacking Daloki? Was he high? Shrooms? Poppin pills? Is he a nut case or something? Mr Froggy has informed us that GusBus is the one who turned him. His name is Amadore Giovanni and his game is weapon specialist. Does that make him really good with his sword? ;D. Some might recognize him as one of the few who helped Delilah and Dante murder Romulus in revenge...or maybe he just joined them in one big sexy, messy, sweaty orgy. Others would recognize him as one who has been seen crushing on Delilah Giovanni. Should we count him as a terrorist? Or just another sex fiend trying to wiggle his way into Jaredy's Big Book of Sex and Other Maybe Useful or Not So Useful Information? Should we just hunt him down and kill him for trying to assassinate dear beautiful amazing Daloki? Or show pity for the fool who instigates the horrifying Sock Gap!? Stay tuned for more updates on this.

What the hell is going on with the religious Romulus? Isnt that like one of those walking contradictions? Mr Froggy seems to think so...look at him croak! And its not even mating season. But seriously? That man likes changes like too much for like his own freaking good, no wonder he is always like pushing up the daisies. The manwhore claims to fight proudly as a Lycan? For his people? Even going as far as to claim he is one of the leaders! The only thing I think he can really lead with is his dick. Now he is curing himself of being a Lycan, giving up alcohol and sex? Sex! Snoo snoo! Whoopie! Shagging! Fornication! The Nasty! Boning! Nookie! It should be illegal...Come on! It's Rom! The guy has more STD's than a Consequence hooker! Which reminds me...I need to go apply my ointment...

Oh. And P.S. Our staff has grouped together and decided for a wake up call. HELLO! Earth to Hellifyno? Earth to Hellifyno. Every mission. Every surprise attack. Every time you seem unable to control your own outcome because of some...compulsion...by a mysterious force. Dont you get suspicious? NO Apparently NOT! You sit..you act...you follow these urges...What is it? Who is it? Is there someone or thing writing our lives? Perhaps its something more than Fate that likes to pull things from its shiney ass....

Could it...possibly...maybe...perhaps...just might....be a Narrator? NO! Nonono. Now look what you did? You spilt your coffee...Keep in mind loyal Hellifynonians. We are not alone.

I repeat.

We are not alone...

So, what's goin' on with this Thak character, hm? Is it just me, or does this boy need to get laid? He's been acting pretty jerky lately. Speaking of jerky...Domino and Coco butter? Whats up with that?  Its like being forced to watch a fucked up combination of cheesey Sci-Fi Soap Operas. Eesh. Stick a fork in my eye and eat my butt hole from the inside out would ya?That's pretty nasty....Yeah? So is sex. But the people in the tavern just keep humping like bunnies on crank. All Hail the Sex God! Teery! *grumbles*