Base
Username

Amazon Box

Intro Video

...

Unclassified Excerpt from Jeff Bezos’ journal

 

Automated Land Delivery Drone Experiment, attempt 44

 

Copies of this data may be used for the purpose of replication of this experiment ONLY inside Amazon.com Inc.

__________________________________________________________________

 

Abilities

 

Amazon Prime: Amazon Box can summon anything it wants inside itself, assuming it can fit and ??????????????????????. It can reach inside itself and pull it out using its arms, and may ‘deliver’ the object to a customer. Very useful for deliveries.

Air delivery: Amazon Box can telepathically call Amazon.com HQ to send one or more Amazon drones to ????????????????, ???????????, drop packages, and ???????????????????.

Hey Alexa: Amazon Box can call Alexa to help with tasks such as deliveries and ?????????????.

Boxy Dog: Amazon Box can be quite savage. ???????????????????????????????. ?????????. ?????. Handlers must be properly trained to handle this creature.

 

Known Flaws (as of ??????)

Pennies: The Amazon Box craves pennies, and has been known to attack those who do not comply to its demands for coinage. If this creature asks for pennies, remain calm. Toss a few over, then simply walk away. The box will leave you alone after you satisfy its craving. If you happen to cross the path of the Amazon Box often, refrain from giving it too many pennies at once. It’ll begin to see you as a friend if you do, and will demand more and more every time it recognizes you. If this happens, wearing a mask which covers the entire face has been found to prevent recognition.

 

__________________________________________________________________

 

Who Am I...

A fucking box

Romantic Interests

I require pennies

Relationship Status

penny

My Story Is...

Jeff Bezos is dad

 

since he rules over an entire galaxy because of the online shopping service he owns, I get to roam various places including this… weird shithole

 

fear me, Hellifyno, and bow down to your overlord Jeff Bezos

My Appearance

It me.

just like this, but with scaly clawed hands and black, fuzzy arms instead of some random human’s limbs

 

also without a human’s butt sticking out of the back

Inventory

penny

My Secrets Are...

no matter where you are or what you’re doing, Amazon Box will always be right there with you, watching your every move…

 

 

…so that your ads can be personalized

I Believe...

I'm a fucking box god damnit, I have no religion or beliefs

Species

Artificial