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I’m Fine.

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I want to cry out for help.

 

It’s been so long since I’ve slept. Chemical build up in my brain has eaten away at my mental barriers. Everything I feel is raw, like touching muscles uncovered by skin but instead of muscles it’s emotions. The pain is different but very real and worse than any thing physical.

 

I want to cry out for help.

 

I’m too tired to sleep now. I’ve taken every pill I can find to numb what I’m feeling but it only numbs the body. My brain is still in 6th gear and accelerating. Closing my eyes brings visions of anything I don’t want to see. Nightmares of my past both real and imaginary. Everything that has ever gone wrong and stored in a bottle safe from ever affecting me again spills out into my mind’s eye like a spirit on el dia de los muertos. The images roam free, haunting me, terrorizing me, torturing me knowing full well as soon as I can sleep I’ll have the power to shove them all back into a bottle and cork it tighter until another three restless nights leave me in a weakened state.

 

I want to cry out for help.

 

Others notice the difference in personality. The inability to function fully. The sudden silence that overcomes speech. The lack of appearance. Being social turns into a nightmare of its own. Friends turn into demons. Everything they say and think aloud is targeting me, judging me. I turn them away. 

 

I want to cry out for help.

 

It’s so hard to get out of bed. Shaking all night has consumed any shred of energy I may have had. Eating is a chore. It’s too hard so I simply stop. Work is a distant memory. I come and go and don’t know that I’ve been. It’s night again and the visions are back. I still haven’t slept, so they get another free pass in my mind. I’m so inadequate even my tears don’t want to be near me, so they escape heavily into my pillow.

I want to cry out for help, but there’s nothing you can do. How am I? I’m fine.

    1 Comment

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    1. Ronald Destuh 2 years ago

      You ok my dude? Idk if this is for you’re character or you. Just PM me if you ever need to talk to anybody about anything.

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