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Notes for Self

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Gave Raelin that latest information I have about Iris and where I think that she’s been. Not that I know that too much more than anyone else but I’ll be damned if I’m not going to keep looking for my only friend, when everyone else is too busy or doesn’t care…Raelin and Greyling I can understand and it seems that Grey maybe doing some looking of his own.

But, to what Raelin has told me and I must keep in mind:

devek would probably kill her… we don’t have a cure yet ::her voice once again lined with weariness::

he almost killed my son, hurt my daughter in some way, almost killed me a few times… and my mate hates his guts. no reason to have any faith in him at all….you questioned my faith in a man who i kept giving my faith to and it always comes back in my face. i don’t trust iris with him because devek is demented. i won’t change my mind about it but i can respect iris’ wishes enough not to speak to her about it like she’s a child…i’m unhappy about a lot of things right now, you’re just the easiest target to take out my agressions on ::grinning humorlessly::…::slides a glance over to her:: i don’t know… i don’t know you very well but you don’t know many people either…. my issue is widely known i gues. i just haven’t been able to sit down and talk to anyone about it… my mate’s too busy… ::her eyes darkening at that, shoulders slumping:: …

well… uh. let’s see.. when i die, my body explodes and my soul is sent into the abyss in teh hells until my creator – farzik – lets me start a new life, then i reincarnate. when im in the abyss, i’m a dog. he raised me through my entire existance to behave that way and so i hate him. now i found out that he’s my FATHER. i have a mom and a brother, a twin brother, that i did’t know about . i thought i was created from a volcano and that i didn’t have parents….my brother is trying to convince me that this “other” which is apparently devek took over farzik and my mom 7000 years ago…. tortured and drove them insane… made them perform experiments on me and my brother…i… i don’t know what to believe….

but i can’t *talk* to anybody…. my brother’s tongue was removed… my companion was turned stark raving mad, my ex lover whom understood me completely is now in the grounds… my sparring partner left… my mate and i are slowly growing apart..i’m losing the people that *can* understand me…. you don’t know me well at all… i think what was gone from my head is coming back again and im not sure i can be trusted. ::laying the fact out on the table, her own eyes hard::…you’re a very trusting person. more so than you realize… a name is a name. true names should be guarded with your everything… but a name i can give you. i don’t know… i’m sorry… ::for a very brief moment she appears to be every second of her many years, tired and old… but her appearance hasn’t altered::…::cocks her head at the woman for a moment:: kya maybe….i think i had a mother or daughter named that at some point… can’t remember which…the best person i could talk to is always too busy or i’m always too busy… ::a sad smile::…

::it’s awkward for both of them… she stands to give the hug in a bit of a crisper but thankful way, but she’s obviously uncomfortable that she told nearly a stranger a large chunk of her problems:: thank you….i’m not good at it either… i’m better with children. give me a sobbing infant over a grieving woman any day…i’ve had lives where i was a male before… those ones were… uncomfortable. ::wincing:: always around screaming girls…only a bit… i need to go… do something. ::her face darkens and tightens at that, teeth grinding together:: thank you again for speaking and listening to me…::nods a final time in thanks, staring at jade, now kya, with a strange look…. then her body just disappears into the shadowrealm, leaving only a sense of slow agony behind::

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