Hello! This is your friend, Crypto Spazmatoid! Yes, that is the name I’ve chosen! Crypto Spazmatoid! It just rolls off the tongue, and it sounds oh so friendly, yes?
Anyway, as I was saying. Hi! This is your friend, Crypto Spazmatoid!
You may be wondering ‘Who is this? Why are they saying they’re my friend? Why are they talking in the first place?’…
Well, here’s the answers to those questions!
I came here to love all of you. I had to take some time, though, to learn, to soak it ALL in. Your people, your geography, your language, your intentions… All in preparation to get you all ready for me. But, it seems that while I was busy, someone decided that they wanted to be a naughty, naughty person and cause a lot of pain and suffering and death… All bad, bad, bad things.
Well! Crypto is here to make it all better! Or rather, I’m here to help YOU all make it all better. Because if there’s anything that I’ve learned through a few weeks of research, it is that a lot of people here are more than capable of beating this thing, if they all unite! Which means together we can beat this menace!
And I’ll be here to make sure it happens!
So, once again. I’m Crypto Spazmatoid! And I’m here to challenge this man known as Augustus Giovanni for his supposed right to rule! Because a real leader isn’t someone that takes the things he wants! She’s the one that gives things to the people that are wanting!
So. If you want him gone. Just let me know, and I’ll start getting on that. Thanks you!
Your future very benevolent, kind, gentle, not at all malicious, not at all overcompensating, elected boss – Crypto Spazmatoid