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When All is Lost – Summer 2017

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Dr. Alexandra ‘Alex’ Danvers’ thoughts and emotions after Jim Kirk’s capture in August 2017.

Set after the events of:

Written in August 2017 by his woman. Who missed him dearly. Every second and minute of the day.



I’m writing this down, so that you’ll know.

So that You’ll Always Know.



That No Matter What Happens To Me.

You Were Always The One.

For Me. For You.

For. Corn. 

…You Were Always…

…The One…



I Need You To Be Strong.

Stronger Than Me.

To Lead The Crew…

While I’m Not There.

Remember Danvers.

This Will Work.

It Has To Work.

Even if?

I have to try to Speak To Pike.

I have to try to Get Pike Out.

I have to try…


I promised This.

To You.

To George.

To The Crew.

…To Myself…


Stay Strong.


Stronger Than Me…



Apart. Is. Together.

Together. Is. Apart.

No. Matter. What. Happens.



Find Strength In Those Words.

Find Power In The Plans That I’ve Left Behind…

I Love You, Danvers…

I Love You…

Love, Jim


The letter written by Captain James T. Kirk to Dr. Alexandra ‘Alex’ Danvers



The letter from Jim Kirk

My beloved Captain

My beloved boyfriend

A letter than has been unfolded

A hundred times

And read a hundred times more


I hear it in your voice

As you caress my cheek

Kiss my forehead

I think of you as you wrote the letter

A letter I will always treasure

As I will always treasure your love


You were always the one for me, Jim

You always will be the one for me, James

Once you get back

I’ll tell you

So that you don’t forget

That there is no Danvers without her Kirk

No Alex without her Jim

And no Alexandra without her James



I keep thinking back. To that night where you came home.

I was in bed, sleeping. I had a fever. The fireplace was lit.

In our cottage. Our cozy cottage.

It was our first home. Like… a real, real home.

I always pictured us having a simple home.

Limited technology, yet enough to not be completely cut off from the world.

Away from the busy traffic, the loud people.



I wish I was awake, by the time you came home.

So that I could caress your cheek,

Asking you to not go into enemy territory.

Would you have stayed, if I had asked?

I keep thinking that…

… deep down, you would have.

Which makes it even more painful,

To have had a fever, being out of it.

The one day I was sick, everything was lost.

That one day.



Yet, I know you better than that.

You would have gone anyway.

”It’ll be fine.”, you would say. ”It’ll work.”

With your grin, faint or not.

One that would reassure me.

That it would work.

That it always works.

And I… would be reassured.




I try to keep strong.

For you.

For Kara.

For the Crew.

Our Crew.

Our family.

Our friends.



I try so hard.

Yet I feel weak.

More than ever before.

Sometimes I can’t function properly.

I seclude myself.

In the room I currently call… ”home”.



Everyone is hurting. I can see it, feel it.

Yet I have to try and hide my hurt, my pain.

If I didn’t have Kara here I’d…

I can’t express how much she’s done for me, for the others.

When I can barely function, she makes sure they keep up the good work.

Not as a leader. More like… a caretaker.

Helping them.

While she too, is devastated.

Smiling, trying to spread the sunlight.

Yet is hurting.



Will I see you again?

I miss you, Jim. So much.

I don’t know if you’re even alive.

If you’re safe.

Do you even get food?




I heard your voice.

Felt you. Yet I didn’t know,

If it was a dream or not.


While embracing me.

As I dreamt about you, me.

Our future.

Our dreams, our goals.



The moment I woke up, it was too late.

Everything was lost.

When I saw the chicken noodle soup,

And the corn.


Our thing. Our very own thing.

Then I found and read the letter.



One I read every day.

So I won’t forget.

How could I forget?

You are my everything.

And you always will be.

For Alexandra Danvers,

Loves her James Kirk.

And she can’t breathe,

Without him close.



It’s kept in a pocket wherever I go.

To then be placed next to the bed.

Always with me.

Just as you are always with me.

In my heart.

In my mind.

There are so many things I want to do.

With you.

To experience.

To see.

Please come back.

My beloved Captain.



Apart is Together.

Together is Apart.

The new mantra.

I keep repeating it.

Together is Apart.

Apart is Together.



I love you, Jim.

Now and forever.

I will keep strong for you.

For when you return.

”Am I good or am I good?” To use that against me,

In a teasing way.

I love you.

You were always the one.

You are always the one.

The only one.

For the Danvers.








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