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“Why Did Ya Have To Go?”

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Donnybrook Cemetery, Dublin Ireland.

“H-hi da..” Came a voice as shaky as a leaf. The body it came from was equally as so. This once strong huntress was now frail, weakened. Not the Alice anyone knew. Something her ego didn’t like at all. It felt attacked, it felt weakened. But this was a weak point for the Fire Cracker. She was back to being a little girl again; huddled against her mom and dad. Holding her baby sister on her lap and pointing to the next book to be read to them.

This wasn’t the woman she looked and saw herself as today, this was a bright-eyed, warm and caring little girl. One who had a bright future and amazing singing voice in the bathtub holding her Little Mermaid doll and pouring her heart out.

But this woman now, was cold, condescending and quick to use that once cheerful and happy voice for spit and hate. Nothing was safe. But even her shell cracked sometimes.

Alice sniffled, running her gloved hand over her nose with a huff, looking down to the grave-stone of her lost parents. Fiddling a metal cap in her pocket, finally bringing herself to speak again. “It’s yer birthday again… Sorry I didn’t make it fer mums..S-Sam’s been sayin’ things again. Doona’no if I trust mum right now.” Alice claims lowly, shifting her chocolate eyes over her mother’s side then back to her fathers with a weak smile. “But, am here fer ya. Not them. How ya doin’ up there? Is it warm? Are we there with ya?” Alice leans forward and takes her hand from her pocket, placing a bottle cap of what looked to be from a root beer down on the top of the grave on her father’s side. “Brought ya this.. I know how ya like yer homemade root beer. Even went down to ol’ Sandy’s fer one. He’s still alive, can ya believe it? Hah! The old hare still kickin’.” Alice shakes her head and sighs a small laugh. “I had one fer both of us; hope ya don’t mind…”

Alice grew silent, sniffing her nose once more raised her head. “I guess… I just wanted ya to know I love an’ miss ya. Even mum… I think Samantha does too. Sam’s… Sam…” Alice clutches her hand, gnawing her teeth together. “Part of me wants to forgive her. Let her back into me life. Love an’ protect her again like ya both did to us. But I just can’t get over it. How do ya forgive somethin’ like that? They killed you both and she became one of them fuckers!” Tears were bursting from her eyes, her shoulders heaving. Alice felt like the life line of her family was on her shoulders. She was the last. Her parents were gone, her sister was dead to her. She was alone. She’d never admit it. But she felt it, and it was killing her inside. Made her feel weak, and no matter what she tried to do it was hard to shake it now.

“Sorry…” She apologizes in a small voice to the grave, staring down at her parents’ names, frowning while the cold morning pricked her fingers. “Am still yer good girl.. Always will be. I love ya. I love ya and mum. And fuckin’ damn I miss ya both… I wish you didn’t have to go. Why did you have to go?” She whines, biting down on her lip that wiggled. Swallowing the painful lump in her throat that threatened her tears. “Why did ya have to leave? W-what did Sam an’ I do to deserve that? What did any of us ever do?! Dammit mum! Mum did you do?!” Her foot came up, kicking her mother’s name once before crumbling to her knees. Placing her forehead to the grave. Tears rivering down her flushed cheeks from the cold and sobs. Burning her skin with the cold, her body shivering from both the tears and cold.

“What’d ya do, mum? What does Samantha mean…? Why’d ya do it? I can’t take not knowin’ anymore. I can’t….” Alice’s body heaves with her sobbing, her voice cracking behind the tears. Practically hugging the grave now as she submitted her will to it. Suppressing her ego for her parents. Let the world see her weak, just this once. Letting her body break to the cry that she’d kept inside for a very long time. Can’t let the world know how hurt you really are. It will use it and abuse it like a two cent whore. “Am goin’ to find out. I swear I am. Sam can’t hide forever, an’ neither will mums secrets. I’ll find it out I promise ya. An’ when I do, I’ll come back and put ya to peace once an’ ferall. You’ll see.”

Whipping the icy cold tears from her face and mustering up her strength Alice rose from her parent’s grave. A pained smile growing on her lips as she gave a final look to the grave. “Loo’ya both. Stay well until I get back, okay?” She waited for a response that wouldn’t come before stepping away and across the frost slicked lawn of the cemetery. Sam would get what was coming to her, Alice swore that on her life she would.

“Am comin’ fer ya Sammy, are ya ready, lass?”

1 Comment

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  1. JinFeng 5 years ago

    “Lucky and good writing”

    I never said you weren’t a good writer, I’ve seen your writing you’re not terrible at all. You have a good grasp on it. What I was saying is that you interacted with Jaime, Letta, and co. that have one of the currently most integrated stories currently.

    You read my Essay twice..

    Awesome. Good to hear, actually. But what I’m wondering is if you retained the information I had.. and that’s kind of difficult to know, I’ve not seen much understanding coming from you just flat out “You’re on a high horse therefore everything you’ve said isn’t right.” and “I don’t agree with you, so it won’t work.”

    “Worrying about the Grendel”

    So, what you spoke about worrying about the government changing and everything as well as your characters storyline wasn’t about you worrying if the Grendel won’t be there if the government is gone? Sorry if I misunderstood, but I’m glad you feel secure.


    I don’t feel inferior at all, really. I feel pretty normal, we’re all supposed to be equal here. And that’s how I pretty much feel at the moment. It’s good you feel normal as well.

    “My understanding of humans.”

    It correlates to the conversations because I can safely say that I know what I mean when I type, that I know exactly what I want without beating around the bush, because I figured out what kind of person I am and I know what I’m feeling. It’s basically a way to make sure you know what you’re feeling and thinking, it makes things way clearer for yourself. Conversation called for it so I could clarify that I’m not just bein’ a troll or something.

    “Listen to what I’ve written”

    What I meant by this is read it and let it at least give you a different view of thinking, a different angle of everything that’s happening. Personally, I think that that’s just how people learn, by reading different opinions. Even if they don’t enjoy it sometimes, but it’s good to be open. I don’t really think it’s my way or the highway, because at the end of the day it’s never really my way anyway, because I want everyone to put in for it. Which is something that didn’t happen.. you knew that right? That we did an informal vote? Which is a problem in-of-itself honestly. Then for it to just be accepted when everyone fought to have Banshee there to “informally” vote? It’s kind of sketchy, to be honest.

    To your comment with Kae, it’d be best if you were speaking to me to leave her out of the conversation. You want to speak to her, you speak to her. As far as I read, she didn’t say or think you were inconsistent. I have messages to prove that, screen caps and what not. So you thought that yourself, she didn’t mean it like that at all.

    What in the hell does it actually matter if you enjoy the same sex… that never came into this at all. I don’t discriminate, I promise that. I’ve had several friends, partners, and etc. that were either bi, pan, or gay.

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